A Confession at Midnight
by Iloveguitar
Summary: Alec finally plucks up the courage to tell Jace how he feels. But how will Jace react? And will Alec regret ever telling him?


Disclaimer: I do not in any way own this magnificent world that Cassandra Clare has created, or her characters. It's just fun to play around in it. :P

A/N: This fanfiction is set before City of Bones, so Jace has never met Clary. Enjoy.

A Confession at Midnight (oneshot)

Alec POV

When I press my ear to the flat wood of Jace's bedroom door, I can't hear anything on the other side. It's silent. Either Jace is not in his room, or he's asleep. Both options leave me debating whether I should turn around now and leave, pretend that I'm not going to do what I was about to do.

Little butterflies flutter in my stomach as I think about it again. Knowing that Jace is on the other side leaves a deep longing in my heart that makes me sigh and close my eyes. I grit my teeth together and lean my forehead against the door. It's now or never. If I let my courage leave me, I'll never do what I plan to do. I've dreamed about how this moment would play out a million times in my head and I've come close to this more times than I can count, and each time I've backed out at the last second. Not this time though.

I take a confident breath and lift my hand to knock. My fist barely grazes the door before it swings inwards. A rush of air hits me and a dim light shines in from the doorway where a confused Jace is staring at me with raised eyebrows, a questioning stare embedded in them. I open my mouth to explain but nothing comes out, just as I expected. My entire mind is distracted by the fact that Jace is stood before me half-naked, with no shirt on. The moonlight on his chest makes it incredibly hard to concentrate. Every thought I previously had has vanished, leaving me with the mind of a dumbfounded twelve year old as I incessantly avoid looking at Jace's chest. Instead, I stare into Jace's golden eyes.

"Alec?" Jace asks. "Is something wrong?"

"Not exactly," I answer. I peer over his shoulder and see the ruptured bed covers where Jace had obviously been sleeping minutes before and I suddenly feel stupid for coming here. What had I been thinking? Jace's hair is mussed from sleep and it makes me swallow. "Umm..." I shake my head. My cheeks flush brightly. "Nevermind, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm sorry for interrupting you."

With one last look at Jace, I begin to walk away but before I can take a single step, a firm hand wraps around my wrist and prevents me. I look over my shoulder at Jace who is staring at me with concern, his hand still on my wrist. The touch makes me shiver.

"Are you okay?" Jace asks. His head is cocked to the side. "You seem...not yourself. Is everything alright?"

I pull my hand from Jace's grip and face him.

"I came to tell you something, but it doesn't matter anymore. Forget it." I say quietly. Jace's searching eyes don't leave mine.

"Alec, if there's anything you want to talk to me about, I'll listen." Jace answers. I bite my lip and try to slow the fast beat of my heart. I stay silent for a while, having an inner battle in my head. Tell Jace, or don't tell Jace. Usually at this point, I'd take the easy option and walk away, but I won't this time.

"Can I–can I come in then?"

Jace doesn't answer, he steps back and gestures with his arm for me to come inside. With a deep breath, I walk by Jace into the room that is only lit by the moonlight that streams in through the gap in the curtains. It is the same room that Jace and I used to sit and talk in for hours. Sometimes we'd never sleep, we'd just tell each other stories of monsters and demons. It is the same room that Jace first told me the story of his father's death, the first day that I'd seen Jace cry. It was only a single tear but I hadn't seen any others since. I feel special knowing that Jace hadn't cried in front of anyone but me. I smile quietly to myself.

The closing of the door jolts me from my thoughts and I turn round in time to see Jace drop down onto his bed, looking at me with a curious eye. The way that he's looking at me makes me fidget with a loose thread on my jumper.

"What is it?" Jace asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I...I just wanted to tell you that...that I..." I try to calm my heartbeat. "Well, it's just that...I've never told you that...I..." The words are on the tip of my tongue fighting to be said, but I can't say them. The words feel like a fire burning in my lungs.

"Alec, just spit it out." Jace persists, staring at me expectantly. I shake my head and look down at my feet, blushing furiously. I feel like an idiot. Here I am, standing in my parabatais bedroom, struggling to say some stupid words. Why do I find it so difficult to tell him how I feel?

"I...I can't say it." I say. My throat suddenly feels thick with emotion; annoyance at myself for getting this far and falling at the last hurdle. I sweep a hand through my hair, shoot one last sorry look at Jace and walk quickly to the door. The tears are about to fall and I need to get out of here before they do. I'll look like even more of an idiot if I start crying.

"Alec," Jace says, "Wait."

When I reach the door, I look back at Jace, surprised to see how concerned he looks. He is perched on the edge of his bed, his tawny eyes trained on my face and his eyebrows drawn together in the middle, creating a worried crease in the center. I know that Jace won't let this go.

"Alec, you've fought demons, killed vampires, eaten faerie food," Jace says, trying to make light of the situation, smirking slightly. I don't smile. "What can you possibly have to say to me that is scarier than that?"

After a few moments pass, Jace moves from the bed and takes cautious steps towards me, as if he is afraid he'll scare me away.

"You can tell me." He says eventually once he's stopped a few steps away from me. I look into his eyes and I know that I am doomed. I swallow nervously. It's now or never, and I'll probably never get this far again.

"I came here to tell you that I," I start, avoiding Jace's eyes, "that I love you." They come out as a whisper, but I know Jace heard me perfectly.

The few seconds of silence that follow are the longest seconds of my life. Jace stares at me with a look of astonishment on his face and I know that I'd rendered him speechless. With a last look at him, I bolt out of the room, letting a tear slide down my cheek as I rush to the only place that I can cry and not be found.

I don't know what I'd been expecting Jace to say. Of course Jace doesn't feel the same way. Now I feel like an idiot.

I thought that Jace not knowing how I felt was the worst feeling in the world, but I had been wrong. This...this was the worst feeling. The rejection I feel in my heart, the silence that rolled off of Jace in intense waves. I don't know how I will be able to look Jace in the eye after this.

Jace POV

I stare dumbfounded at the door where Alec has just left. I'd seen the tears pooling in Alec's eyes before he left, the red rising on his cheeks, the nerves weaved into his voice as he'd told me that he was in love with me. I can feel my heart clenching in my chest like there is a stone weighing it down.

I don't know how much time passes before I finally push open my door and creep into the hallway, mentally thinking of all the places Alec would have gone. I have no idea what I will say to Alec when I find him but I can't let Alec leave like he left my room.

I squint through the darkness of the hallway and I notice that the door leading to the greenhouse is slightly ajar–he must be up there, Hodge never leaves the door open. The door is cold to the touch when I push it open. There is a smell of greenery and plants on the breeze which is the smell I associate with Hodge as he spends so much of his time up there, but I have no doubt in my mind that Alec is up there now.

Beyond the door is the familiar spiral staircase winding up to the floor above, a green vine clinging to the metal with bursts of pink blooms along its length. I tread softly up the steps. I'd rather not alert Alec to my presence yet. My steps don't make a noise and eventually, I reach the top and I find that I'm looking out across the greenery, everything is tangled in leaves and plants without leaving a square inch of anything else. If Alec is up here, he'd be in the section beyond the vines. Keeping my steps light, I walk slowly to the curtain of vines that dangle like dreadlocks from the ceiling in long spindly stalks. I move one aside and reveal the second section of the greenhouse.

This one is green like the first with purple blooms dotted around, but in the corner by the window, there is a figure sat on the floor looking out of the clear glass. Alec. His black hair stands out against the bright colours surrounding him and his grey jumper and black jeans make him look as though he is a part of a black and white movie. I don't know why, but the sight of him makes me smile. Until I see the expression on his face.

His blue eyes are suspiciously shimmery in the lights from the street below. I feel a tug at my heart and I swallow. A wet sheen covers his cheeks and perfectly formed teardrops still roll down his face, eventually crashing onto his jumper. I have never seen him look so heartbroken. I hate that he is this sad because of me.

Looking at Alec's skinny form, I have the urge to hold him in my arms and then I would...I'd...I don't know what I'd do. Kiss him?

The thought of kissing Alec makes my heartbeat speed up and my breathing hitches which causes me to gasp. Alec's head flicks round and when he sees me, his eyes widen and he attacks his cheeks with his jumper to remove the tears. It doesn't remove the redness in his eyes though.

"Jace, what are you doing here?" Alec says, his voice thick with unshed tears. Guilt roils in the bottom of my stomach.

"I wanted to talk to you." I say simply and I instantly feel stupid. His eyes seem suddenly bluer in the light and when I look at him, he quickly averts his gaze to the bustling city streets below.

I don't say a word as I sit across from him. He purposefully doesn't look at me even though I can see him tightly clenching his jaw and his fingers fiddling with a lose strand of his jumper which tells me he's nervous. I want to reach out to touch him to reassure him but I'm not sure if it would be helpful.

"I know that you don't want to talk about what you said to me," I say, "so we won't."

This immediately grasps his attention and his head snaps upwards with a look of surprise.

"I wanted to talk to you about me instead." I add. A slight smile turns up the corners of Alec's lips and he rolls his eyes.

"Why does that not surprise me." He mutters, but he says it lightlheartedly. I pout and nudge his foot with mine.

"Anyway," I start, "I was thinking that I could check out Pandemonium tomorrow, and that you could come with me. Y'know, I thought it'd be fun."

Alec nods slowly.

"Alright."

After that, we sit in a comfortable silence for an amount of time that seems to pass relatively quickly. I rarely come into the greenhouse at midnight so it feels different, much more peaceful with just the orange glow of streetlamps and the low hum of city traffic.

Alec's slow breathing sets a rhythm to the air like the beat of a heart and I find myself breathing in time with him, like we always fight in time when we are in a battle.

I run my hand irritably through my hair and then look at Alec who is staring out of the single pane window, a hint of an emotion that I don't recognise on his face.

I stare at him, narrowing my eyes, soaking in every detail of him. His deep blue eyes that always let me know what he's feeling, his tinted lips that light up his face when he smiles and his cheekbones which stick out at an attractive angle. I've always known that Alec was attractive, any idiot can see that, but I'd never looked at him like this. My fingers itch with the need to touch his face. I want to feel his

smooth skin beneath my fingertips and just revel in the feeling of touching him. The thought scares me.

My eyes drop to his lips which are moist from where he's passed his tongue over them multiple times and where tears have settled there. They look...kissable. What am I thinking? Kissing Alec? My heart speeds up when I think about it and I realise that I really want to kiss him, but I'm scared. I'm never scared when I fight demon's or when I'm at the face of death, but thinking about making out with Alec has me breathing rapidly. I need to get a grip of myself. I'm Jace Wayland. Nothing scares me.

'So, kiss him', an inner voice tells me. I sigh. Maybe I should kiss Alec.

Alec realises that I'm staring and he looks up, a red blush forming along his cheekbones. He looks so damn cute like that. It only makes the urge to kiss him stronger, broiling in the pit of my stomach.

"What are you looking at?" He asks self-consciously.

"Honestly?" I say, "I'm just staring at you." My voice has taken on a deeper tone. "You're interesting to look at."

I see him swallow and blush deeper and I force myself not to smile like an idiot. Instead, I sigh.

"I wanna try something." I say softly, moving forwards so that I'm sat on my knees in front of him, eye level with him. His eyes widen and he recoils slightly at my closeness, making me frown. I can smell his aftershave from sitting so close to him. The tear marks running down his cheeks are visible too which only makes me eager to make him feel better. I want to see him smile.

I reach out confidently with my hand and cup his face, slowly running my thumb along his cheekbone. He gasps at my touch. His skin feels warm, smooth and moist from tears like I'd expected it to and I find myself unable to take my hand away. I look up into his blue eyes which are full of fear, wonder and lust and then I smile softly. The urge to kiss him deepens. He gulps and his eyes flutter closed, his eyelashes casting a shadow over his cheeks.

"Jace..." He whispers. My eyes flutter closed and I bring my other hand up to cup the other side of his face, focusing on him. I memorise what it feels like to touch him. I let the warmth of his skin mark my palms, making my heart beat fast.

"I..." Alec says softly. He doesn't finish his sentence. I feel his breath brush past my face and it's the last straw. I take in a sharp breath. Oh God, I want to kiss him, I think. I actually want to kiss him, and when has Jace Wayland not had something he wants? My hands still cupping his face, I pull him against me and I crush my lips to his.

His lips are warm and soft and they taste like salt-water. I bring my hand to the nape of his neck, gripping his short hair. He's still from shock. His lips don't move against mine like I want them to and I kiss him deeper, running my tongue along his bottom lip. He jerks slightly and I think he's going to pull away, but he starts to kiss me back, his hands going up to grip my shoulders.

I smile into the kiss. His hands move up my neck and into my hair and he uses it to pull me closer, our chests grazing each other. His heart beat thumps against my chest in a quick, steady beat and I know that mine is doing the same. I slip my tongue into his mouth and I hear him whimper softly at the back of his throat as I explore his mouth. I thought I'd be disgusted when I kissed Alec, but I feel the opposite. I want to kiss him more. I feel like I could kiss him all night and never get bored.

His feelings for me are evident in the way he holds onto me, gripping me like an anchor. I can't deny that somewhere deep inside of me, I feel something for him too. I'm not entirely sure what that feeling is, but it's something I want to explore and I never want to stop feeling it.

Our gasps mingle in the air between us when we pull away. When I look down at his lips, he's smiling and I know that I'm smiling like an idiot too. Mission accomplished.

A/N: Hello Peeps, so this is just something I wrote while I was bored and decided to post it up on here. And I'm a massive Jalec shipper, so...my mind came up with this 'what if Jace had never met Clary' situation. This is supposed to be set before City of Bones, I think.

Anyway, comment if you liked it, I'd really appreciate it :). And I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, I didn't really go through and check.

Have a magnificent day (or night) that would live up to Magnus' standards ;), and Goodbye xoxo


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